In contracting a marriage there are background checks, or at least the parents of the intending couple would know where each of them is from, if they are not from the same place. They do their own discreet findings in those towns to find out the type of family their son or order is getting into.
Some however don’t care to do these findings, in a bid to marry off their daughter especially if the man is wealthy.
For example a man from nowhere settles in a town and when he wants to marry, the girl’s parents may accept him without asking where he comes from.
Though in some cases, some men ask some elderly people to stand in for them as guardians as custom demands, or some are said to hire old people to pretend to be their relatives.
There are some instances of where a man dies, leaving a wife and children but they know nothing about his background. All they knew was that he came to the town as almajiri and somebody raised him. He was too young to remember where he came from and nobody looked for him or if they did, they couldn’t find him.
Well, that was in the past. He was young and there was no mobile phone like now.
In any case, the actual problem is with full grown men that suddenly materialise in a town and people allow them to marry their daughters. What if he goes away one day and you cannot trace him, leaving your daughter with children?
Some also meet in a different town. They marry and live there, but the surprising thing is that the woman may not even know where the man comes from.
In one such case, a young woman in her twenties who was a divorcee got married and within two years she was divorced again and went back to her town to live with her parents. She had a daughter and the father wants to take the two-year -old girl.
She didn’t want to give him the daughter since according to her she didn’t know where he came from, didn’t know even the name of his village, town or state.
She said she asked him many times, pointing out that he knew her parents, sisters and brothers, but she had never seen any of his relatives. However she saw his mother when the mother visited them and spent some days and I wonder why she didn’t ask her about their town.
“It was later I learnt he was one of those men that marry women and divorce them at will, some as soon as they become pregnant. His wife is now pregnant,” she said.
Her dilemma now however is what if he takes the daughter to his town and how could she find her since she doesn’t know the place? He may keep the child with him and she may be maltreated by a stepmother of course, but that is not what worried her most.
This is a case that should worry every parent, just because you are eager for your daughter to get married you ignore this important aspect of finding out about the man and push her into marriage without thinking of the consequences.
Does this mean if a kidnapper or an armed robber appears from nowhere and lavishes money on your daughter you accept him without investigating his background?
And where this strange thing happens people are afraid to offer their advise, lest they be accused of envy, particularly if they have unmarried daughters.
Somebody once told me a story, which may be true or not. It goes that a stranger came into one town and lived in a big house. He saw one girl he wanted to marry and spent money on her which made her parents very happy, saying she was lucky.
He said they should not bother to buy her furniture as parents do. He said he would buy everything for her. But he said only three women should take the bride to his house, instead of the usual crowd of women and children.
According to the story, when they left that was the end that was heard of them. When people went to the house they found it locked. And all those that helped him in getting married said they didn’t actually know him. Therefore it was assumed he used them for ritual.
Even if this is not a true story, it can happen by the way people throw caution to the wind if a man spends money in their daughters.
In this regard not matter how good a man is but nobody knows where he comes from, parents should find out about his background before they give out their daughter in marriage to him to avoid costly mistake that may haunt them forever.
