It is given that women of a certain age should not give birth or cannot give birth as programmed by nature that by a certain age they reach menopause and therefore with the cessation of menstruation they can no longer give birth.
But that was before because, with the coming of In-vitro Fertilisation (IVF) what people used to call test tube babies, even those beyond the childbearing age have a chance or a gift if they like to have their own child.
I see young women that are childless racing against time for treatments before they reach a certain age be worried.
In any case even with IVF, it is not every day you are confronted with old women with newborn babies as their first child. No matter how you try to hide it the shock is there as you watch them breastfeed.
The babies are not what people call kalen hanji, meaning that after your last born, years later you have another child. Women in such a situation are embarrassed and tend to hide the pregnancy, feeling that they are too old to have a baby. At this stage, some of their daughters or sons may have children.
Children are a blessing in a marriage where a few years after marriage without a child, couples are worried and seek medical help. And where infertility persists there is a blame game, particularly from the husband’s relations against the wife, disregarding that the problem may be with him.
So they urge him to get a second wife in order to have children, some may not have children no matter how many wives they have married. At this point, the husband’s relations may leave the wives alone and stop accusing them of barrenness. And some women get divorced, remarry, and have children.
Therefore it is presumptuous for a young couple to do family planning without seeing if they would even have a child. Some would have to seek medical help later when they are ready for the children and they are having difficulty in having what they thought was easy. After all, people are having babies every day, so when they are ready they can just have them.
And where the babies are not coming, it may lead to marital problems.
Some husbands actually make their wives to have an abortion because they don’t want many children. They want few children that they can cater for, they say.
When I saw a woman of around seventy years breastfeeding her newborn baby, someone close to me said, “Is it necessary to have a child? Look at how old she is.”
The woman making the comment however is in her late forties. She has children and grandchildren; as such she may not perceive the pain and desperation of some people to have a child of their own.
While some people accept it and raise their relatives’ children, or just stay alone, some go to any extent and spend millions of naira, seeing the best doctors abroad or in Nigeria.
It is an irony that some throw newborn babies in refuse dumps, pit latrines or even bury them alive. Though these are cases of having children out of marriage, they are afraid or ashamed. But they should have taken the babies somewhere safe where they would be found and taken care of.
There was a time when one woman said when discussing the phases in life, “God knows you cannot do it, that is why you stop giving birth at a certain age. You cannot look after a baby. Look at how you were pregnant with small children; you looked after them and your house without feeling tired or falling sick. Imagine this at this age.”
Looking at that seventy- or so- year- old new mother I also wondered how she could run after an energetic child as young mothers do. Apparently she would have some help, but there are certain things and times when the mother just has to do her ‘job’.
It is fulfilling for those that have spent years and money seeking to have a child to actually realise their dream of having the fruit of their womb. In spite of the misgiving of being too old to have a child and take care of it, people should be happy for them. All hope is not lost.
