Nigeria is a very interesting country and the citizens make it even more interesting. It is a country of one day, one trend.
There are so many issues developing at every given time – political, business, social, religious – that it is difficult to stay on one topic for too long.
One of the recent trending social issues is the divorce suit filed by the estranged wife of Paul Okoye AKA Rude Boy, formerly of the PSquare group.
A little background.
Paul and his twin, Peter, are musicians. Their group, PSquare, while it lasted, recorded hit after hit. They were loved in Nigeria, all over Africa and the world.
Not too long ago, they got into a family dispute involving their older brother, Jude Okoye, who was their manager. The wife of Peter was alleged to be at the centre of the crisis.
One day, Nigerians woke up to the shocking news that the music twins had decided to go their separate ways, each to continue to do music on their own. Each of the brothers clung to his wife as the centre could no longer hold. Did I hear you say blood is thicker than water?
Oh well, there are matrimonial bonds thicker than blood as proven by the Okoye brothers. Besides, the Holy Book says a man shall leave his father and mother (brothers – even if they were born twins – sisters) and cling to his wife.
It is against this background that not a few fans were taken aback when the news broke that Anita, who relocated to the United States recently, had filed a divorce suit seeking the dissolution of her marriage to Paul. The couple have three children.
Even though details of the suit remain sketchy, one of the demands by Anita, which has been trending, is a demand of about N7.8 million monthly spousal support.
Expectedly, there has been myriad opinions about the demand. There are those who have poured invectives on Anita and called her greedy for trying to reap where she didn’t sow – these ones do not care that the couple were in a relationship that spanned 10 years and have been married for seven, bringing the years they’ve been together to 17. Then there are those who say if she can prove that her now estranged spouse earns enough to be able to pay what she has demanded, it is not too much considering the luxury lifestyle their three children are accustomed to.
The ones I found laughable were the men making allusions to the fact that Anita could only seek divorce and make those demands because they were wedded in court. They say the Instant case should be an eye opener for men to desist from wedding in court. They say the traditional and religious weddings are enough and do not give women such rights over their spouse’s wealth in the event of a divorce.
Nothing could be farther from the truth.
But you see, they say ignorance is bliss so let them revel.
Now to the facts.
According to Nigeria’s law, any marriage contracted in a government licensed and recognised place of worship is similar to those contracted in the marriage registry.
To break it down, couples who contracted their marriage at the AMAC Registry in Abuja and those who did theirs at any of the Catholic churches for instance, are similar under the law.
This is because the church is recognised as a statutory place of worship by the state and who ever weds there can be issued a statutory marriage certificate as well as the church’s marriage certificate.
That is why marrying in a church licensed by the state to conduct marriages and marrying at the registry is seen as doing the same thing by those who know.
Now, the issue of spousal support often comes up in divorce in a marriage where there are children and spousal support is paid by the one who was the breadwinner while the marriage subsisted to the one who the court grants custody of the children.
The reason women are the ones demanding spousal support in many divorce cases is simply because in many of our families, the men are breadwinners even where the woman earns more. And more often than not, women get custody of the children, especially when they are minors.
Spousal support basically is for the care of the children produced by that marriage because it is not the opinion of the law that the children should suffer the consequences of an action which is no fault of theirs.
So if you are afraid of divorce and the settlements that come with it, rather than say you will not marry in court, there a few options you can explore.
The first and most logical is to not marry at all. Your name and divorce can never be mentioned in the same sentence.
The next is to marry right. You can never get it all right as long as it concerns dealing with another person but do not ignore the signs often called red flags because if you do, you will suffer.
If you decide to marry, and you run from statutory marriage and marry under customary law, you will still suffer if your spouse decides to approach the customary court for dissolution of your marriage.
What men can begin to explore, if their egos will permit, is to demand spousal support from their women as is done in other places where there is proof that the woman is the breadwinner.
They can also explore the option of joint custody of the children, in which case they may not have to pay spousal support.
