“Life”, they say, “is full of ups and downs.” While some moments are pleasant, we hate to remember others. Although we more often than not have reasons to be happy with ourselves and with others, we are at other times confronted with situations that make us unhappy, and sometime provoke the anger in us. In moments of annoyance, what should we do and what should we not do?
Many of us would have had few things to regret in life if some of the decisions or actions we took were done outside of anger. To achieve a peaceful life, we need to be calm in all matters. While it is dangerous to rush decision-making processes, it is more dangerous to take decisions when angry. Persons who take decisions in a haste live to have a second chance to review their hasty decisions. The worst moment for a person to take decisions is when he is offended or hurt by the actions, inactions or speeches of another. Many failed marriages would have been saved if husbands and wives had restrained themselves from reacting, in words or in actions, to the provocations of their spouse.
Although, the death of a husband is also a reason for a woman to re-marry, the large number of government-sponsored weddings involving women who were once married in some northern states of Nigeria simply reflects the high incidence of divorce and broken homes in the region. Whether it is at the instance of the husband in the form of divorce (talaq), or at the instance of the wife through what is called redemption (khul’u) in jurisprudence, that which Allah hates most wouldn’t have taken place if the parties held back their reactions when anger was fuming in them.
A heart filled with patience would have no space for anger to rage. The time for couples to individually nurture large heart is, indeed, now when times have become very tough; taking away everything that should naturally belong to it including patience, understanding, sympathy, kindness, compassion, and generosity.
While every thoughtless or careless decision comes with its own cost, the consequences are worse in the case of divorce, which is probably why the Prophet (SAW) said, “That which is permitted but is yet detested most by Allah is divorce.” Divorce is most often a product of poorly managed anger. Besides, uncontrolled anger isn’t without health hazards. High blood pressure, rapid heartbeat and hyperventilation are some of the risks an angry person is exposed to. When not controlled, the consequences of mismanaged anger can be devastating. An angry individual may utter slanderous words he would thereafter live to regret. In situations of provoked anger, silence remains golden.
Imam Bukahri reports on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (RA) that a man came to the Prophet (SAW) and asked him for advice. The Prophet (SAW) said: ‘Do not get angry’. The man repeated his request for advice several times but the Prophet (SAW) only answered ‘Do not get angry’. A life without circumstances that could stir an individual’s temper is not of the twenty-first century mankind. However, a man’s ability to handle infuriating situations with maturity, patience and prayer makes him a wise person.
Anger robs an angry individual of wisdom; taking charge of his senses instead of him taking charge of the anger. This also substantiates why it is better to avoid making promises in situations of anger. Most angers end in remorse. The Prophet (SAW) said: ‘A strong man is not the one who overpowers others (in wrestling). Rather, he is the one who controls himself when he’s angry’. Indeed, life is too short to spend a part of it, however little or substantial, in anger.
There are several ways of managing anger. The prophetic techniques of doing so include seeking refuge of Allah (SWT) from the Shaytan, the devil. The Prophet (SAW) said: “If a man who is angry says ‘A udhu bi-llahi mina s-Shaytani r-Rajim’ meaning ‘I seek refuge of Allah from the accursed devil’, his anger will disappear”. Similarly, the Prophet (SAW) advises a person to change his position when angry; to quench the rage in him. He is advised to sit if he were standing; and lie down if he were sitting.
Abu Dharr who reported this particular hadith was once angered by another man while watering his animals at the trough. His anger was quickly doused when he sat down. The change in one’s position could forestall one’s anger from getting out of hand. Changing from a standing to sitting position makes it less likely that an angry individual will become violent. The likelihood of that becomes lesser when an angry individual is lying down.
It is always better to show self-restraint and delay whichever manner an angry individual wants to react to irksome situations. Restraining one’s anger neither humiliates nor tarnishes an individual’s image. One may choose to leave the annoying environment in order to react later when, perhaps, the mind is better stable to deal positively with the situation.
Managing anger wisely is one of the signs of righteousness mentioned by Allah (SWT) in Qur’an 3:134 “Those who spend (freely) whether in prosperity or in adversity; who restrain anger, and pardon (all) men; For Allah loves those who do good’. May Allah (SWT) guide us against any form of anger that will lead us to self-destruction, or life-long regret, amin.
