Traditional marriage in Urhobo culture is not just a union between a man, a woman and their families, but is one of the ceremonies that depicts the rich cultural heritage of the people. Several factors are put into consideration in order to properly observe the tradition of the land.
Lawrence Olushola, a Yoruba but married to an Urhobo lady, told 21st CENTURY CHRONICLE that in Urhobo tradition, the family of the bride virtually takes full responsibility for the marriage ceremony. The ceremony is hosted by the bride’s family at the bride’s native home. On arrival, the bride’s family welcomes the would-be in-laws with drinks and kola nuts supported with some money, regarded as “wedge” which is customary in Urhobo tradition.
Wedge is the money placed beside the kola nut. It is believed that the kola nut will roll and fall off the flat plate if it is not wedged or supported, hence the cash wedge.
Professor Sunny Ahwefeada is the Dean, faculty of Arts at the Delta state university, Abraka, and said at the time he got married in 2003 his wedge was N4000. But now, he said it could run up to N100,000 depending on how buoyant the intended husband is.
Pre-marital activities
In Urhobo land, when a girl has received a proposal for marriage from a man, she informs her mother who in turn informs her father. In other cases, the groom sends a notice of marriage to a young girl through his kinsmen. At a point, the groom is asked to come with his family to introduce themselves to the bride’s family. A day is fixed for this meeting. The father of the girl then informs his family members, and they all wait for their expected guests – the groom’s family.
Djoma
This first major visit is known as ‘’djoma’’ to show oneself. It is also referred to as ‘’introduction‟ because it is a day in which the groom’s family is formally introduced to the bride’s family. As it is customary in Urhobo, the family of the bride welcomes their guests and entertains them. This is done through the spokesman of the bride’s family. He stands and calls for the attention of everyone present with the greetings, “Urhobo waadoo” (greetings to Urhobo people). He then asks for the nicknames of the men from both families. It is usually fun, playing on the nicknames of people from both families.
The spokesman presents kola nuts, some drinks, alligator pepper and money on behalf of the bride’s family. They are then received on behalf of the groom’s family. Prayer is offered by the eldest man in the gathering. Thereafter, they all eat and drink together. A short while later, the spokesman of the groom’s family stands and calls for the attention of everyone in the same way the spokesman of the bride’s family did. He then presents kola nuts, drinks, alligator pepper and money on behalf of the groom’s family.
After entertainment from both sides, the middleman of the bride’s family will stand and call for attention again, and this time, he will enquire from their visitors the purpose of their visit. Then, through their middleman, the groom’s family will inform them of their intention to marry one of their daughters. Again, the bride’s family will say “we have many daughters, which of our daughters do you want to marry”? The groom’s family will mention the name of the bride in question.
The girl is then invited in and asked if she knows the young man. If she agrees that she knows him, then she will be asked to go into her room again, while both families continue the discussions. Ms Ejiro, who shared her marriage experience with 21st CENTURY CHRONICLE, said women are usually kept out of these discussions, so “my role was just to present myself,” she said.
She however said her husband later told her some of the proceedings. She said at a point in the discussions, her husband’s family requested for the list of required items needed for the payment of the bride price.
Can’t do without plenty Schnapps
Some of the items on the list are normally negotiable, while others are fixed. The following are what is expected. It is noticed that hot drinks dominate the list of items and happen to be prominent among the non negotiable items on the Urhobo marriage list.
A bottle of Schnapps, or any other hot drink.
N500.00 and another bottle of Schnapp to open the floor of the marriage ceremony.
N2,000 for the bride’s family youth guild
N2,000 for the Women Guild including the bride’s mother.
N1,000 with another bottle of schnapps.
N1,000 for showing the bride’s face.
N400, a bottle of schnapps, a kola nut plate for Praying, and blessing the couple.
N6,000 with a bottle of Schnapp as the bride’s dowry.
Also, the following gift is expected to be presented to the bride’s father
- A hat.
- Traditional attire or wrapper for the men.
- A walking stick and a Shoe.
- And these for the Bride’s mother
- A head-tie and a blouse.
- A wrapper with a gift of N5,000.
- A box of clothing materials of various types.
- N15,000 cash to appreciate the bride.
These for other members of the bride’s family
- 3 bags of salt for wives of the bride’s family.
- N5,000 as an escort fee to be done after the marriage.
- Drinks and money for entertaining guests and well-wishers.
Special Fish
It is worthy not to forget Otomi, the special fish that must be presented. Professor Awhefeada said this fish is very expensive and is usually eaten by aristocrats. And since marriage is considered special, this fish must be presented by the groom to his bride’s family.
