I was born (but not bred} but ‘raised’ in the village before God had mercy upon me and caused me to school, work, travel to, and live in some of the most sophisticated towns and cities of the world. I was “raised” by hand as was the case with Pip, the hero of Charles Dickens’ classic novel Great Expectation. Being ‘bred’ connotes that during the period of your upbringing, you lived a pampered life with bread and butter. But that was not my case.
Because of where and when I was brought up, I am familiar with some of village children’s mischievous pranks which some of President Buhari’s critics and tormentors are playing against him which he knows not; which no one close to him has had the wisdom or courage to draw his attention to and which he has fallen for, head, hills and trunk.
This one is called ‘Elder, your tyre is touching the ground’’. Agroup of children may have, over time, noticed a particular elderly man who is poor and doddering and who struggles to paddle his bicycle over hills and knolls. One day, some of the boys who have been watching him will draw near him and feigning concern for what he is led to think is genuine, will shout to him: ‘’Elder, your tyre is touching the ground! Your tyre is touching the ground!!’’ The old man thinking that there may be something truly wrong somewhere with his rickety bicycle will dismount to check out what the matter is. After checking, it will dawn on him that there is nothing wrong with his bike. That he is a victim of mischievous pranks. When consciousness hits him, he will ask himself, ‘’what/where are bicycle tyres meant to touch, if not the ground? He will then realize that the children are out to make a fool of him.
He may in anger, throw his bicycle away instead of standing it properly on the ground so that it is not spoilt in order to give chase to the wicked children who are making spot of him. Instead of speeding away so that he does not get at them, some may pretend to stand ground to dwell with him but as he gets near, they will give him a feint which will send the old man crashing down and they will sprint away knowing that his agility has left him decades ago.
Each time they see this particular old man who is near senility and who ought to have ignored the children in the first place and they would have left him to enjoy his peace, they will take up this chant again, “Sir, your tyre is touching the ground! Your tyre is touching!! Your tyre is touching the ground!!! In no time, ‘’Elder, your tyre is touching the ground’’ becomes the name by which he is known throughout his vicinity or the entire village.
In African villages, the position or designation of elder is associated with power and the jealousy that goes with it. Many struggle quietly or loudly to join the elders club. It is also associated with witchcraft, wickedness in some communities,injustice and other negative associations. There is this man in my community then who must have been brought up by his father and warned not to crave becoming an elder and if given, he should reject it outright. I guess that among his kindred, he was given this position and people were shocked by the fierceness with which he rejected a designation many crave to have. Soon after, the news spread about a man who was given eldership and he rejected it flatly and does not want anything to do with being identified as an elder.
As he passes, bystanders would be pointing to him, ‘’this is the man that does not want to be known as an elder’’ (Ukaani}. Soon, children found out what they could use to taunt the man and provoke him to anger to their infinite amusement. A group of children or one child would see him approaching and pretend to be obedient, courteous and polite child/children and in exaggerated curtsying say to him, ‘’Elder, good day to you!’’ (Ukaani, Nobooh!} Upon hearing this, the man would pursue you from your rat-hole right to the ends of the earth, cursing and asking in rapid succession: ‘’who told you I am an elder? Who made me an elder over you? If you like eldership so much, why not confer It on your fathers and uncles? Why call me elder? Am I older than your father?’’
I am afraid that our President who is not exactly a young man and who is rumoured to suffer bouts of what is called “Senior Moments” (senility and the momentary forgetfulness or amnesia that goes with it} is beginning to respond to mockeries and criticism} in the way some of those my village old men used to do. He does not ignore insults or feign deafness to certain statements.
Take, for example, the criticism that he has not been fair to the Ibos in terms of appointment. Instead of taking the right action, the President does or says things that do not address the matter complained of but things that will further show him as a non-lover of the Igbo. We should, please, note that what is now known as the Twitter Conundrum from which the President is reaping tonnes upon tonnes of mockeries for using Twitter to announce the removal of Twitter from the Nigerian space, emanated from his inexplicable obsession with the Igbo.
My message today is not to the President himself but to his handlers. At times like these, it is they who must act fast and smart. They are in very tricky situation and so should pray for Godly wisdom to enable them to seize up any political development and where necessary or appropriate, ask the President to ignore some things even if they are deliberate insults, untruths or half- truths, no matter how painful they are personally to him.
Let Buhari’s counsellors be guided by the wisdom contained in Chinua Achebe’s great short story entitled The Mad Man. An eminent man was on the verge of getting an Ozo title, the highest in Igbo land. One day, he went to bathe in the village stream. A madman well known in the village saw his clothes where he hung them so he can have the midday bath. The madman came and removed his clothes and started running towards the village. The Ozo title seeker didn’t think twice, He gave chase. The sight of this man of honour in full flight chasing a madman convinced everyman in the village that he had gone bunkers in a hot midday. When he later told people he was merely chasing after the village madman who had taken his clothes, no one could be sure who between the two was really mad. The President’s handler should think about this.
