Berom is the largest ethnic group on the Plateau. They are found largely in Jos north, Jos south, Barikin Ladi and Riyom Local Government Areas. Da Joel Boston explained to 21st CENTURY CHRONICLE the steps of marriage rites of Berom people.
Like a lot of traditional marriages in Nigeria, the first rite is the introduction of the intending groom to the girl’s family. But unlike in other places, the groom goes with his friends to declare his intention to marry their daughter. The family of the girl is usually aware of the relationship and are on notice before the arrival of the emissaries. His emissaries speak for him, out of respect he does not utter a word.
The prospective in-laws ask to see his parents. He communicates the date for the visit through the bride to be. The parents usually come with other members of their family, he still does not speak at this point. During this visit with his family, all girls of marriageable age in the girl’s family are presented and he is asked to tell the one to which he is referring. She is asked if she knows him, and knows what they are around for, and if she agrees with their request? The answer is usually in the affirmative.
Berom people seldom reject grooms for financial incapacity. Sometimes the process can be stalled by disagreements over clan and family feud, where a family have vowed to cut of ties with other families and ask generations to uphold the vow.
Commenting on the carrying forward of grudges, Da joel said I have encouraged such historical wounds to be healed by marriage. Family issues can also stem from the family background of the couple, if they have a history that portrays them in bad light, like negligence of wife or social vices.
A date to pay the bride price is agreed upon. This is done in two phases. The paternal and maternal receive theirs. It is accompanied with a list of items like boxes, wrappers, undies, toiletries, a female goat for breeding two blankets, red oil, salt, and other food items which is shared among the family members. The goat is not killed but kept for breeding. These items depend on the groom’s financial capacity. as a chief, I always advise for lenience in marriage demands because women are not for sale and marriage is a fusion of people. In Berom culture a bride virtually adopts her father-in-law as her father because she takes her complaint and worries to him.
Di Loh which means seeing the house follows. The bride’s family home is paid a visit by the groom’s family. It is central to Berom traditional marriage rites. During this visit, a feast is prepared by the groom’s family kunu for drinking, gwete, tuwon archa, with Berom native soup, a he-goat is specially prepared (full roast) the full roast ensures that none of the parts are tampered with, sesame seeds specially prepared is served with it.
Da Gyang Dudu Dalyop, President of Berom Educational and Cultural Organization, has a slightly different view. He said a female goat, salt, archa, palm oil and wrapper for the mother is what is expected of the groom. Da Gyang said, the items are shared among family and neighbours, the brideprice can be as low as one thousand naira. “We Berom people are not frivolous he stressed, the bride price is paid once,” he said.
Mr. Simon Andrew, a Berom from Riyom LGA, shared his traditional marriage experience with this reporter. Smiling he recalls that “even on the second visit when I took my parents, I was still not be heard. I remember my father feigning innocence and exclaiming ‘I was not aware he has seen a girl’ you know children he has even brought his friends without telling us! I was shocked but my father explained to me that the feigning of surprise was part of the process, I am now accustomed to seeing it in all family introductions. My uncle took over and declared that I have seen a beautiful flower in the house, which I want to make mine.”
During his wedding, Mr. Andrew said, he gave a whole cow to my bride’s family to cook for the wedding. Some people give a thigh depending on their capacity, it is important because bride’s aunties who are central to weddings can frustrate a groom if he does not make it available.
Mr. Pam Moses, a journalist from the Berom extraction told 21st CENTURY CHRONICLE that simi (love) and strength of character is central to marriage in Berom culture.
Although within a clan families can recommend their children for each other because of the goodness found in them, nothing is ever forced. Chastity is also a very crucial issue because carnal knowledge is not expected at all between intending couple during courtship. There is the fear of consequence (chit) where they continuously have still birth if they do not end up in marriage is alive among Berom people. Until the woman confesses and the cleansing rite of “pa chit” is done to relieve her of the burden. He stressed that emphasis is laid on the traditional marriage rites and the church can even turn a couple back for skipping it.
Gara are kitchen and food items the bride is accompanied with to her husband’s house. It is provided by her family both maternal and paternal, the quantity it is unspecified. Just according to the capacity or willingness of the bride’s family.
