There are stories of stress and displeasure during marriage ceremonies amongst a few tribes in Nigeria, but not among the Ibibio of Akwa Ibom State.
The traditional marriage ceremony among this tribe is mainly relaxing and pleasurable. The exercise is often seen as ndọ odo mbre, a game characterized mainly by dance and joyful moments. The entire event is a mixture of rhetoric, song, dance, spectacle, character, and thought. The event, which appears as entertainment of some sort, is a serious one that binds not just two people, but two families, sometimes two communities and two cultures.
Imaobong Daniel got married to a Benue man in 2011, and they are blessed with three children.
While speaking to 21st CENTURY CHRONICLE, Imaobong said a typical Ibibio traditional marriage ceremony is divided into five different stages, with each stage having its dynamics and events. Notable among the stage is the search, where the bride is hidden and a search team is sent to find her. Imagine the visiting team from the groom’s family having to search for a bride in a home they do not know well.
The search
The bride is ‘hidden’ from view through the most part of the ceremony until requests, offers, and acceptance of items on the ‘List’ have been done. The groom’s team, about now becoming impatient and getting restive, openly demands the appearance of the bride. They are told to organize a search party, during which a woman in the bride’s family is persuaded to lead the search team. She makes demands, makes at least two trips, appearing with females other than the bride, usually an old woman and later a little girl.
This stage of the marriage is also a great money making venture for the elderly women, who use this to extort money from the intended groom. However, this is done amidst jokes, Imaobong said.
The elderly woman in charge could make upto N5,000, depending on her tact and wit. Imaobong was asked how much the woman who presided over her own search made, but she said, ‘’I don’t know o, I was inside, being searched for.” She added some laughter to her answer.
By the third trip, Imaobong said she was escorted by a long dance train comprising her friends and some members of her family. She was dressed elaborately and decked with trinkets and bracelets from the hair to the ankles.
Another stage worthy of note in an Ibibio traditional marriage is the array of assorted foods presented to the intended groom and his family. This is known as the opening entertainment –This is when the groom and his family, excluding all the invited guests, are escorted to the sitting room in the family house by the maidens or women of the bride’s family.
There is an array of foods on displayed, ranging from boiled and sliced cassava known as edita iwa, to cassava fofo, pounded yam with different varieties of soups, roasted palm fruits palm kernel seeds ,isip, and in the modern era, fried rice garnished with salad.
The essence of such a flamboyant display of food is to satisfy the groom and assure him that the prospective bride understands much about food and will be able to take care of him and feed him well.
Ndidiong Ufok
Ndidiong Ufok literally means, “to know the house”.
Ndidion Ufok signifies the Introduction or ‘Locating the in-laws’. This takes place after a man and woman have reached an agreement to marry, either as a result of a betrothal or by choice, the man then proceeds on a visit to the woman’s home to formally inform her parents of his intention, get approval and make inquiries on further arrangements and procedures. Imaobong said she wasn’t betrothed. Betrothal happens mostly within the tribe, and since her husband is from a different state and tribe, this wasn’t a possibility.
Imaobong’s husband, Daniel Imoter who is from Benue told 21st CENTURY CHRONICLE that he was exempted from a lot of the cultural requirement when he went to marry his wife. He was, for instance, cut all the many protocols because his inlaws showed much understanding that he was from a ‘’far country’’.
Usually, the man embarks on the visit with 3 or 4 other men and a bottle of wine. At the end of this stage, the father of the woman either accepts the man or rejects him. If the groom is accepted, both parties agree on a date for a second meeting. Imoter visited with only one representative of his family because he was far away in Calabar.
Then a woman knowledgeable in the preparation of all the recipes then clearly presents, explains, and tastes each food item before the groom’s entourage is served.
Negotiation phase –This is the real deal. Here, the two families are represented by a negotiating team to negotiate on the list of things the groom is supposed to pay to the bride’s family. Imoter said his friends stood in for him at this stage.
He said he noticed that what the bride’s family took into the house at the end of the day in terms of the quantity of the things on the “List” earlier submitted was not much because of the negotiation skills of his friends. He said this phase is usually the most exciting as confirmation will be made as to whether all the requirements of the list have been fulfilled by the groom.
It is a triumphant moment for both parties after a long battle of wits.
Imoter had just completed his university degree at the University of Calabar, and took a new job when he got married to his wife.
