A story was once told of a certain couple who went to the market in one of those times when there were alleged cases of disappearance of phalluses and as fate will have it, the man fell victim.
His male reproductive organ was allegedly stolen by a man who he came in contact with.
As the story went, the bulge in his trouser flattened after the contact and was at the same level as his skin.
Fortunately for them, he raised the alarm and the suspected phallus thief was apprehended.
After receiving some beating from the mob that gathered, the suspect was asked to return what he stole and he opened a bag full of phalluses and asked the man to identify his.
When the man spotted and made to pick his, the wife who was also peering into the bag pulled him aside and asked him to pick a massive one she had seen inside. It was her opportunity for an upgrade and she wasn’t going to let it slide. It was also good compensation for the embarrassment her husband had suffered, she reckoned.
Lately, there have been an upsurge of alleged cases of male genital organ theft.
The cases are reported to be prevalent in the Federal Capital Territory (FCT), Nasarawa, Kogi and Kaduna.
Following the reports, there has been palpable apprehension among the male folk and I dare say for good reason.
What is a man without that which makes him a man?
These cases are usually reported to happen in places such as markets, garages, bus stops and other locations with high human traffic.
In the FCT, many of the reported cases happened on the fringes of the capital city.
According to reports, all it takes for the mob to descend on a suspect is for a victim to allege that after a handshake or other bodily contact with him, his penis disappeared, while some said a mere conversation with the alleged manhood thief caused the disappearance of the victim’s penis.
Some innocent people have been served jungle justice as a result of this spurious allegation which has no base in medical science.
In a discussion with a male colleague whom I sought to know from if he had ever met a victim of penis theft who shared their experience, he said he first heard of penis theft in 1974 but was yet to meet any victim.
These suspected penis thieves, when apprehended, are beaten to stupor by mobs.
While some lost their lives in the process, others were rescued by the police or local vigilante groups.
Just on Monday, two men were mobbed by residents of the Lugbe Zone 9 area of Abuja on allegations of penis theft.
A resident was said to have raised the alarm that his genital organ disappeared after having contact with two young men who asked him for directions.
They were nabbed and beaten up by the angry residents before the intervention of local security operatives, also known as vigilante.
On September 20, some irate youths in phase 2, Gwagwalada area of the FCT, lynched a yet-to-be-identified man for allegedly stealing a resident’s penis.
Three days after the incident, another resident was accused of causing the disappearance of the penis of another community member.
The ugly trend has led to the murder of some persons by irate youths who descended on suspects for allegedly causing the mysterious disappearance of phalluses.
In Nasarawa State where there have also been some reported cases, the Police Command said a medical examination conducted on the alleged victims, “gave all of them a clean bill of health”, ruling out any basis for such allegations.
In the FCT, the police has also confirmed that after medical examinations were conducted on a suspected victim, his male organ was confirmed to be doing just fine.
My suspicion is that these allegations are false and the orchestration of pick pockets who create situations for mobs to gather, thus availing them people to steal from.
Some people have lost money and personal items like phones in such crowds.
Otherwise, how do you explain that a man suddenly raises the alarm that he lost his penis yet no one pulls down his pant to check, and then he suddenly says it’s back and everyone goes away?
Even those that were tested medically, nothing was found.
Medical experts have said it is impossible for a penis to be uprooted from its position without a cut, except through fetish means which science cannot speak to.
They have, however, alluded to the fact that certain diseases such as peyronie’s disease and erectile dysfunction can lead to the shrinkage of the penis size but not total disappearance and this does not happen just by having bodily contact with anyone.
Beyond the science of it, ever since this story returned, I’ve been pondering over some questions agitating my mind.
I’ve never heard that a suspected penis thief was a women. Is it that women do not steal or that they do not steal penises? Or could it be those who orchestrate this have never thought along those lines?
How come only male genitalia are stolen? Are those of women not useful?
I asked my Facebook community the above question and I got some interesting responses. While some said the location of the female genitalia makes it difficult to be stolen, some reminded me that women’s pants are stolen in place of their genitalia. There were yet others who said women should be patient, it was turn by turn and it’ll get to their turn soon.
Then again, how is the test to check for the restoration of a stolen phallus carried out. I’m curious to know and I’m sure some of you reading me are too.
Also, since the restored penises are usually not put to get at the spot, how can a man confirm that what was restored is his and that the theft did not affect overall performance?
Meanwhile, charcoal and bird’s eyes peppers have been listed as some sort of amulet that can protect a man from having his penis stolen if he carries them in his trouser pockets.
A man who carries a piece of charcoal and seven pieces of bird’s eyes peppers in his pocket will never have his penis stolen, they say.
However, such a man faces other risks. Tiny as they are, bird’s eyes peppers pack quite a punch of spice. Any man who keeps it close to his member should have himself to blame for whatever repercussions.
Also, charcoal which is a major source of cooking fuel for many families is already expensive. Will this new found use for it not make it more expensive and above the reach of those who rely on it for fuel?
This is apart from the fact that felling and burning trees for charcoal already contributes to damaging the climate.
There is yet another funny suggestion that men should dress as women to take attention away from themselves.
More seriously, however, until the police arrest and diligently prosecute those who raise these false alarms, we will continue to have miscreants disturb the peace of the public and endanger people’s lives for no good.
Until then, men in Abuja and other places should guard themselves and all their property jealously.