‘’The depth of the love you have for your intended bride is measured by the size of the pig you present,” Terpase Tyough has said.
Mr Tyough who celebrated his marriage anniversary recently, recounted with excitement some of the happenings at his marriage three years ago. When asked how deep his love for his bride was, Mr Tyough simply said, “I bought the biggest pig I could find.”
In Tiv culture, when a man wants to take a wife, he must present a big pig, a wheelbarrow, and a knife, among other things. These are necessary among the list of required items for the marriage rites. The list of things to bring differs from family to family. But basically, the list is divided into two parts. The “must-do- now’’ and ‘’could-be-done-later” things.
Meat, fish, salt, palm oil, knife, drinks and an opener, a chair, a wheelbarrow, wrapper and jewelry for the mother-in-law, as well as a pig and a young female goat, are some of the compulsory must-do-now things. Mr Tyough said that he found the opener on the list most hilarious.
It is not clear when the Tiv people started this practice, but this has been the practice for decades in the history of the Tiv people.
As a build up to contracting his marriage, Iyornder Mbayuu, said when he was to marry his wife, he was required to follow a step by step courtship, which included visiting the mother of the bride and going to the farm. After courtship, he was required to satisfy all the rites before his marriage was contracted. He and his family first had to do a formal introduction to the bride’s family, and then on their next visit, he requested the list of things to come along with on the date for payment of bride price, known as ‘Kem Kwase.’
Using goat to ‘unlock the bride’
His list did not contain some of the items that marriage lists contain these days, but he also had to bring a pig, a young female goat, a wheelbarrow and money to quieten the weaver birds. The goat, which must be female, signifies the ”unlocking” of a new bride for the consummation of her marriage.
Virginity in Tiv culture was preserved by hanging a little snail shell on the necks of virgins. A man was forbidden from having sex with any girl with this snail shell, ‘Ikyȏȏ’ on her neck. Hence the goat signifies the removal of this ‘Ikyȏȏ’.
‘Female pig signifies fertility’
Mr Nomor Tim Cuttings Agber, an author and researcher on Tiv indigenous knowledge systems at the Benue State University Makurdi, shed light on the tradition of the ‘Ikyȏȏ’ in Tiv marriage rites. Mr Agber said even though girls do not carry the small snail shell on their necks today, the goat has remained part of ‘Kem Kwase’ in Tiv culture till date. The female pig on the other hand, signifies fertility. These animals are presented to the women who then slaughter them and share the meat to the whole family.
‘My mother has 3 wheelbarrows and waiting for 3 more’
‘’My mother has three wheelbarrows. She is now waiting for 3 more,” Hembadoon Asemakaha said about the wheelbarrow requirement for marriage. Her mum has six daughters. Three are married, while three are yet to get married, including herself. She said a wheelbarrow was presented for her three sisters each when they got married. So when her two other sisters and herself are getting married, three more wheelbarrows will come to her mother.
The wheelbarrow replaces the girls’ help to her mum when carrying yams from the farm, now that they are married, there won’t be anyone to help her with that chore, hence the wheelbarrows, Asemakaha said.
Joseph Tiseer is yet to get married, but said he has witnessed so many marriage rites in his village. Tiseer, who hails from Gwer West local government of Benue state said in his home village, a lot of the items that Tyough was required to bring for his marriage are often absent on the list. For instance, the pig is not on the list for any marriage but rather for a funeral. However, the goat is compulsory.
‘Bride price can be paid many years after’
One other key item on the list that Mr Agber mentioned was the bride price money. He said, while all the aforementioned items are a must-do, the bride price money itself as important as it seems, is on the could – do- later list. “This is because ‘Kem Kwase never ever finishes in Tiv culture,”
Tiv people believe that traditional marriage rites do not finish in one day. This, he said, is because the two marrying families have become one, so there should be room for cordial coexistence while the marriage lasts. Most men even get to pay the bride price money only after several years, and after they have had many children.
Settling weaver birds – the traditional noise makers
The day of ‘Kem Kwase’ is a day of festivity and fun. How could one forget the ‘Asua’, the weaver birds that are a traditional noise – maker group for the sole purpose of distorting the negotiations on that day? These are brothers and cousins of the bride who must have a piece of the action when their ‘sister’ is been taken away by a stranger. So, they gather right behind the window of the room where talks are being held, and must be ‘settled’ before proceedings can continue. Tersur Igbana said to me he is an expert Weaver Bird.
Igbana, not real name, a 34 year old commercial motorcyclist from Buruku Local government said he has been doing ‘Asua’ work since he was 16. And, ‘’I am not willing to resign,” Igbana said. He says he makes an average of N300 at any given ‘Asua’ he participates in. These weaver birds are just a fun part of the ceremony, but must be silenced, if not, the marriage proceedings will almost not hold. In extreme cases, if the groom had a previous conflict with anyone in that community, Asua can be quite a serious setback that could even result into bigger conflict if they are not pacified enough.
Igbana told me that in his village, even passersby could join the weaver birds at a marriage ceremony.
