It was a girls’ hangout and after catching up on what was going on in their lives, careers, businesses, children and other sundry topics, the discussion soon shifted to bedroom matters.
The girls talked about everything imaginable, their sex lives, what they were doing to spice up things in the “other room” as President Muhammadu Buhari calls it, among other such issues.
Agbonma had been quiet since the gear shifted to bedroom matters. She wore a forlorn look all through the discussion. Bola who was sitting across the table was the first to notice.
“Agbons, what is it? You suddenly went quiet. You don’t want to tell us what’s been going on with you and your bobo abi? Talk jare. You cannot listen to our stories and not share yours or give us useful tips.”
The other girls agreed that Agbonma had been quiet and everyone prodded her to speak.
She was hesitant but after much prodding, she said: “I only have stories of pain and frustration to share when it comes to the matter of sex. I cannot relate with all you have been saying because only one who has had such experience can relate.”
Everyone was now sitting up and listening with rapt attention.
While struggling to hold back her tears, Agbonma continued: “I’ve never enjoyed sex or had an orgasm all my life. I don’t know what it means when women say they enjoy sex because what I feel each time I have sex is pain.
“I was circumcised when I was a child. My entire clitoris and the entire outer walls of my vagina (labia minora and majora) were scrapped off. It was so bad and the wound, as my doctor said when he examined me, after my husband could not bear it anymore and encouraged me to go for medical examination, did not heal well, leaving a scar which is the point of pain each time I try to have intercourse.”
Continuing, she added: “My husband is as frustrated as I am because I resist him each time he makes a move at me. The only reason we have sex is for procreation and to fulfil my conjugal obligation.”
By this time, she was already crying and the other girls, who couldn’t hold back their tears joined in, even as they empathised with her.
Agbonma is just one out of many women whose genitalia was mutilated.
UNICEF, according to information on its website, says an estimated 200 million girls and women worldwide have undergone some form of FGM – many before the age of 15.
In Nigeria, online sources claim about 20 million women and girls have undergone female genital mutilation.
Different cultures where Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) is practiced have different reasons for the practice but one thing is common, it is a rite of passage used to suppress a girl’s sexuality and ensure chastity. In some cultures, it is believed that if a woman is not circumcised, her babies will die at birth if their heads come in contact with her clitoris, in the event of a vaginal delivery.
For far too long, women’s sexual needs have been demonised and policed by the society to the extent of deforming her and altering her biological makeup, under the guise of controlling her sexuality.
Why is it that only girls are circumcised as a way of checking promiscuity?
What evidence is there that an uncircumcised girl is prone to being promiscuous?
What traditional measure is used to check anticipatory promiscuity in boys? Cut off their male organs?
It is so bad that in some communities, families that do not allow their daughters to be mutilated are stigmatised and the girls considered promiscuous and not fit for marriage.
FGM is patriarchy in its worst form. It is deep rooted gender inequality and violation of the fundamental human rights of girls and women. It interferes with the natural biological functions of a girl’s body and has no proven health benefits. Rather, it exposes victims to medical and psychological risks including HIV, haemorrhage and trauma.
FGM, according to experts, is carried out in several ways: removal of the hood of the clitoris; removal of the entire clitoris as well as part of the small lip of the vagina; and total excision of the entire female genitalia and suturing of the vagina, also known as infibulation.
In some communities, mutilation with blades is no longer done following intensified campaigns against it but clitorises of new born babies are massaged with hot water and Vaseline in the belief that it will damage the nerves that can elicit any kind of pleasure, render it numb and push it back against the skin.
One thing that is certain, however, is that whichever way it is done, it is wrong and shouldn’t even be contemplated at all as it has no health benefits but rather causes extreme physical and psychological harm.
Experts say one of the complications that could arise from FGM is vaginal stenosis, which is the narrowing of the vaginal opening and loss of flexibility of the vagina, dryness and loss of resilience of the tissue and that a vaginal reconstruction surgery may need to be carried out in such extreme cases or the women may never be able to have sex all their life as a result of the scarring and narrowing of the vaginal opening.
Data from the WHO shows that FGM causes various sexual health problems for survivors, including damage to the anatomic structures that are directly involved in sexual function, and can therefore have an effect on the victim’s sexual health and well-being.
The WHO further said removal of, or damage to highly sensitive genital tissues, especially the clitoris, may affect sexual sensitivity and lead to sexual problems, such as decreased sexual desire and pleasure; pain during sex, difficulty during penetration, decreased lubrication during intercourse, and reduced frequency or absence of orgasm (anorgasmia).
To accelerate the end of the practice, the UNFPA and UNICEF established a Joint Programme on the Elimination of Female Genital Mutilation in 2008, and since then, 13 countries have passed national legislation banning FGM. The programme has also helped more than 6 million girls and women receive prevention, protection and treatment services related to FGM, while some 45 million people in communities across 15 countries have now made public declarations to abandon the practice.
In Nigeria, the Violence Against Persons (Prohibition) Act, 2015, which seeks to protect the rights of citizens from all forms of violence and abuse is one legislation that can be used to tackle the menace of FGM as provided in Section 38 of the law, in addition to the rights enshrined in Chapter IV of the 1999 Constitution.
In spite these laws, in addition to the fact that it is internationally recognised as a human rights violation, FGM is unfortunately, still being practiced in some communities in Nigeria, particularly in the southern parts of the country.
What this means is that more work needs to be done in the area of awareness creation and enforcement of existing laws.
More women, especially those who have been victims, need to speak and stand up for their daughters so that they do not suffer what they are suffering, just to fulfil some cultural rite.
Men who have been with, and witnessed the psychological and physical pain women who had their genitals mutilated go through, also need to be strong voices in the advocacy against the practice.
It is for this reason that the United Nations International Day of Zero Tolerance for Female Genital Mutilation, celebrated every February 6 is such an important day.
The day is set aside as part of efforts to eliminate the practice globally by raising awareness on the negative impact of the traditional practice.
This year, UNICEF said it is focusing on engaging men as advocates of change in curbing FGM as an estimated 4.2 million girls are at risk of the harmful practice in 2023 alone.
UNICEF believes that partnerships with men and boys can make the largest global impact in reaching the Sustainable Development Goals target of eliminating FGM by 2030.
It is important, therefore that all hands are on deck to achieve the 2030 target.
It is, therefore, imperative that as advocacy against FGM heightens, collective abandonment, where entire communities are encouraged to jettison the practice, should be explored so that no one is stigmatised or ostracised for not participating in FGM.
