Mr and Mrs Lagbaja have been married for 16 years. They are a good and godly family by society’s standards. The father of the house, Mr Lagbaja is exemplary in character and conduct (or so it was thought).
They have four children, two of them early teenage girls.
Their next door neighbours, the Edet family, have a 12-year-old daughter, Uduak, who is a regular at their house as she often comes to play with the Lagbaja girls.
That fateful day, schools were on holiday and Mrs Lagbaja had gone to drop her two daughters off at the music club she registered them before heading to her shop. Her husband was on leave and at home.
After dropping the children off and getting to her shop, she realised she hadn’t picked the keys. She called her husband to see if he could bring them for her but he wasn’t taking his calls so she decided to go back home to get them.
Shortly after the children had left, Uduak who didn’t know they had gone out came over to spend time with them as her folks had all gone out. She knocked and entered the Lagbaja’s home but met only the man of the house who told her everyone had gone out but she could stay if she wanted. Uduak decided to stay and play games on the play station while Lagbaja left for his bedroom.
Moments later, he called out to her to bring him drinking water. It was not an unusual request from a man who she regarded as her father so she dutifully got a glass, poured the water and took it to him.
After she served him, he asked her to wait and return the cup. Not knowing that anything was amiss, she sat down when he asked her to, and before you say Lagbaja, he pounced on her and began to take advantage of her frail body.
As much as Uduak struggled under his bulky frame, there was little she could do.
He was in the process of violently molesting her when his wife came into the house and headed for the bedroom where she thought the keys would be. The sight she met upon opening the door shocked her but she was able to pull out her phone and take a few pictures before announcing her presence.
The little girl ran into her arms as they both cried, while Lagbaja was on his kneels pleading for her not to let anyone know about what had happened and blaming it on the devil. Mrs Lagbaja would have none of it. She swore to report to the parents of the child.
He quickly called their both families to prevail on her not to report to the child’s family or the authorities and boy did she come under pressure.
She, however, didn’t budge and reported to the little girl’s family who reported to the police and Lagbaja was arrested.
This is where it gets interesting.
Mrs Lagbaja has her in-laws and her family to contend with. Everyone is blaming her for blowing the matter “out of proportion.” They ask her what she stands to gain by bringing both families to disrepute. They have asked her who will cater for her children’s needs if the man of the house ends up in prison. Who will be her cover when she no longer has a man?
The family of her husband has gone on to throw her out of the house while her family doesn’t want to have anything to do with her. She has brought shame upon them and refused to cover up their little family secret.
In all of this, nobody remembers that the life of a child is involved and she has been scarred for life by that act of molestation by the criminal they are trying to protect. Nobody cares about her mental health.
Who knows how many more children he has done same to or if he has even been sexually violating his own children? You cannot put anything past a man like that.
How is it that the onus is on the woman to protect the family name when she didn’t commit the offence?
If the family reputation is so important, why did the paedophile who heads it not think about the implication of his actions before going ahead with it?
We live in a society where women have been configured to regard marriage as the ultimate. From childhood, girls are trained for their future husbands, not to achieve their potential in life, if that potential is outside of marriage.
Our society is one that manipulates and conditions women to tolerate and live with the excesses of their men, no matter how grotesque.
A woman is supposed to cover up crimes committed by her husband in order to uphold the family name and not bring it to opprobrium no matter what happens and these are the standards upon which she is upheld and judged.
Imagine for a moment that it was the man that walked in on his wife in bed with another man. He would leave no stone unturned in shaming her, with the support of his and her family. She would be told how much of a terrible wife and bad example of a mother she is. She will be reminded that the tradition forbids her actions and for that reason, her husband can no longer be yoked with her. The women in her husband’s family will drag her to the village shrine for cleansing. Her husband will be advised to get a more virtuous woman as wife.
These are scenarios we are quite familiar with, especially in these days of social media when people are quick to post stuff online.
Not too long ago, we saw the video of a pregnant woman caught in bed with her pastor. The video was recorded and released by her husband. He didn’t think that by not covering up the ‘crime’ he was bringing his family to disrepute. All he wanted to do was to shame the woman and he did.
Women have had to cover up for their husbands who molested their own children just to keep the married tag while the men, with the knowledge of their families, carry on as if nothing happened.
They say to be a man is not a day’s job but the way I see it, to be a woman in our society is the real job.
