Lying on a worn-out mattress on the floor in a small lightly furnished room was a frail old woman, beaming with smiles. She looked nothing like her surrounding, her sense of contentment was apparent.
Her grandchildren were all over her, playing with her hair. “They are at my beck and call,” she said, revealing a set of bright white teeth. The room even smelled nice.
The old woman is 65 years old Ruth Shuaibu and she has been bedridden for three years.
In Nigeria, old people’s homes are not culturally acceptable and many aged people would rather suffer at home with no care than be placed in foster care.
Society also views those who opt for such for their parents in particular, as irresponsible, lacking in empathy and unwilling to reciprocate care offered to them by their parents in their youth.
People are also sceptical about such homes because of reported cases of abuse and neglect and as a result, would rather have their aged relatives close to them, under their watch.
Even though many people have become busier and would rather have their parents cared for by trained caregivers in centres set up for that purpose, the societal stigma won’t let them do it so difficult as it is, they keep managing and in the process, some of these aged persons do not get the quality of care they deserve.
Ruth’s daughter, Abigail Shuaibu, who has been caring for her since she took ill spoke to 21st CENTURY CHRONICLE on the care of old people and their challenges.
“My mother was hale and hearty until she lost one of her sons, my elder brother, with whom she shared a special bond. She almost died of heartache; she just kept on losing strength until she could no longer do much for herself.
“It has been challenging, she said. I work, I have five children and only my first daughter is old enough to help me with house chores. Mama is too weak to do anything for herself. I have to feed her, wash her and change her diaper and none of my relatives helps much,” she stated.
Continuing, Shuaibu said only one of her three brothers offers financial assistance, in addition to her niece who occasionally comes around from France and does all of the hard chores in addition to offering financial assistance.
“Things are tough for us,” she said, making a sweeping gesture to show the room’s state. “We sometimes sacrifice our wellbeing to buy her diapers and special food but we are happy.”
Her husband, Thomas Ojo, when asked how he feels about having his bedridden mother-in-law live with him, said it was the least he could do to repay her kindness to him.
“I was poor and she gave me her daughter; she helped us babysit all our children and it is now their turn to serve her. We live in a room and parlour, but she has expanded the place with love. My mother is late and I love having her here.”
21st CENTURY CHRONICLE broached the topic of taking their aged mother to an old people’s home where she could be cared for but Shuaibu said she had never heard of anything of such and would never consider it.
Speaking to 21st CENTURY CHRONICLE on the challenges of caring for senior citizens, Mrs Sefiya Adeyemi, said finance is a major challenge.
“My mother has been
battling high blood sugar and high blood pressure and to take care of the aged with these kinds of ailments, you need a lot of money for both special diets and medicines.
“My mother’s nutritional needs changed, she had to eat organic and light food that is easy to digest,” she stated.
Adeyemi said despite the challenges, she will not consider using an old people’s home as according to her, it will make her condition deteriorate faster.
“They need familiar surroundings with familiar people speaking the language they understand. When my mother was in Lagos with me, she was homesick and her condition improved when she returned home to Okene,” she added.
Talking about the challenges of dealing with aged people, Adeyemi said they change their minds as frequently as children do, they can make you spend time making a special meal they asked for and tell you they are no longer interested or ask to be put on a potty just after urinating and refuse to urinate for 20 minutes when you are pressed for time.
She, however, said in spite all that, putting her mother in an old people’s home was out of the question.
To the question of what government and well-meaning members of the society can do to mitigate the burden of taking care of old people, Adeyemi said that there should be a special care unit dedicated to the care of the elderly with trained personnel as we have for children, and subsidise the things they use, and also give a token for their care.
“We her children work and could afford
to pay for the support of a caregiver but with as much as thirty or forty thousand naira, we may not find help. Government needs to come to the aid of those that can’t afford this because it sometimes means that they have to sacrifice their means of livelihood to be available to care for their aged ones.”
The CEO of EL-meela Heritage Support Foundation (ELMHSF), an organisation dedicated to giving care to society’s vulnerable, Jamila Isah Eneika, told 21st CENTURY CHRONICLE that she currently cares for her 94-year-old mother and before she came to live with her, she was always sick but hardly falls sick since she started living with her.
“They need special care and a lot of people don’t realise this. There was a time my mother will say her food is stuck in her chest and a doctor advised that she has her last meal by 6pm and she is used to it now. We also saw a nutritionist that drew a special diet plan for her and we also went for food allergy testing to know what is compatible with her system. With all these, in addition to walking around the house, she is now a healthy old woman.”
Despite the misgivings about old people’s homes because of perceived abuse, there are old people suffering neglect by their children in their homes.
Jemila, therefore, called on the government to consider opening such places to house homeless old people that dot the streets. “They can make small things and sell and we can find usefulness in them in spite their age.
Some old people don’t have biological children and they are left at the mercy of the society who look away from their plight. To this end, I have been making efforts with a coalition of NGOs and well-meaning Nigerians to open these kinds of homes with the aim of filling the gaps that exist in the welfare of older people,” she added.
