The term, wife material is quite familiar around us.
It is common to hear men dismiss a woman as not being a wife material because she does not possess those things that make her suitable to be a wife, by their standards.
Wife material is diverse. It means different things to different people and opinions differ among men about who a wife material is.
For some, she must be beautiful, respectful to her husband and in-laws, friendly, must be a good cook, must be a praying woman, should be able to raise the children and keep the home clean,. The list goes on.
While this looks good on the surface, it is one of the many labels women are tagged with in our part of the world that are deliberately coined to make women subservient and subject them to subtle slavery without their realisation.
For the average man, the undertones behind referring to a woman as wife material is that she must not have a voice, be pliable; only do as she is told, must pretend to be who she isn’t, to get in the good books of the in-laws, must be able to cook every dish possible and juggle this with keeping the home spotlessly clean and taking care of everyone else even at the detriment of her own well-being. A wife material must not be ambitious, she must not be vocal about women’s rights, wherever she finds herself, she must allow the man lead, while she follows, she must bear whatever excesses her man exhibits with equanimity.
And so, our society conditions women to be wife material. Right from birth, the girl-child is raised by her mother to become a good wife when she grows up. In disciplining her daughter, the mother would say she is teaching her all she is so that when she goes to her husband’s house, she can be able to keep her home.
I do not have any problem with this.
What I have a problem with is that you don’t get to see the same energy that is put into raising girls to become wife materials put into raising boys to become husband materials. You seldom hear any mother of even father say they are raising their son so that he can be a good husband to his wife and father to his children when he gets married. Many boys grow up on their own.
Perhaps this explains why the term husband material is hardly heard. And maybe because husband material is largely unknown, the characteristics are unclear and rarely spoken about, except in a few instances in religious settings.
A lot of marriages in our society are not working today because whereas the woman comes complete with her wife material, having been properly groomed, the husband material in the men can barely make a bowtie or scrunchies. Yet, these same men want to be able to make flowing babarigas from their wives’ wife material.
Parents need to become more intentional about raising their male children to become good people in the society. The family is often said to be the smallest functional unit of the society and constitute the building blocks for an egalitarian society.
The boy, like the girl, must be raised to be responsible, a home maker, be supportive to his spouse and be actively involved in keeping the home and raising their children.
If you do not possess husband material, at least be a good tailor and do with the wife material what a good tailor would do. Bring out the best style from the material.
Well, we are all too familiar with what bad tailors do to good materials.
A lot of people are still nursing pains from the disasters that their would be Sallah outfits became in the hands of bad tailors, in the just celebrated Eid-el-Fitr.
The way I see, it, before you seek for a good wife material, ask yourself if you’re a good husband material and if you are not, you should work on it.
